I really hope that by the time I can buy alcohol myself I won’t need it nearly as bad
I was loitering all right, but when the cop asked me about it I said no way.
“I’m just a door-to-door salesman,” I lied. “I sell Jacuzzis.”
“Do you install them, too?”
“I sure do.”
The cop then followed me into the liquor store and planted himself by the door; watching as I launched into an improvised sales pitch to the old man behind the register. I described the different shapes and styles of Jacuzzis as well as the various price ranges. I told him what was popular and what the options were with water jets.
“I think I like the one with just the two jets,” said the old man.
“Oh come on, man - two jets?!,” I shook my head, disappointed. “If you really only want two jets you may as well just run over to the hardware store and get yourself one of those little pans you soak your feet in.”
The old man laughed nervously.
“I should really talk to my wife…”
I rolled my eyes. ”Wow. You run every little decision by your wife first?”
“Fine,” he said firmly. “I’ll take the one with ten jets.”
I grinned and patted him hard on the shoulder.
“That’s what I’m talking about!”
About a week later, with the cop watching everything, I had managed to dig a pretty respectable-sized hole in the floor of the liquor store, but the work was hard and it was difficult for me to envision how to build functional water jets.
“Okay,” I said to the cop. “You win. I was loitering.”
